exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Randomize
