he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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