I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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