Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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