Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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