she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
