the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
