You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
