who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
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