I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
We need a shit load of segways right now
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
