This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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