Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
