quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
