This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
