did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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