Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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