Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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