so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
