Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize