spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
