I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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