Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
The Olympian is in my bed
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
