the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
