I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Boobs are out for the taking
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
