I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
