You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
