god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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