.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Princesses don't give blow jobs
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
