Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Actions speak louder than pants.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize