No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
