just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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