(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
