my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
