Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
