He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
