no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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