....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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