Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
