I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
