I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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