guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
