soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
