Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
My dick has a subreddit
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
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