im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
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