How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
