I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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