There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
