Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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