Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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