I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
