It's Friday. Sex?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
