the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
