And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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