i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Randomize
