that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
