Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
