i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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