8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
