We need to rekindle our bromance
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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