I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
