i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
