Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
where am i from again
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Found the puke drawer
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
