I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
