I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
