everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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